


return the favor

by koganewest



Series: angst sentence prompts [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt No Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, M/M, Nightmares, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-20 20:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17029692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koganewest/pseuds/koganewest
Summary: The small distance that separates himself and Shiro now seems wider than the lightyears that had once come between them. Keith wants to bury himself in it, to lay at Shiro’s feet where he’s always been, begging and pleading. Shiro’s shoulders slump in his peripheral vision, and the resignation is painfully transparent. He’s accepting defeat. He’s giving up.Or, Keith is Shiro’s best man.





	return the favor

**Author's Note:**

> "are you just gonna leave?" for the angst sentence prompts
> 
> [check out the art here](https://koganewest.tumblr.com/post/181232695966/id-never-ask-you-cause-deep-down-im-certain-i)

The wedding venue is nothing short of breathtaking, covered in only the classiest of decorations: bows of white adorn each row of seat and dark wood contrasts the clean uniformity of the colors chosen – so much so that even Keith, inexperienced in anything pertaining to interior design, notices how incredible it all looks. From where he’s stood, he can see out into the small crowd of people, which is just as intimate as the two fiancés intended it to be. 

Keith thinks the ceremony is going to be the worst part. 

He searches for a familiar face, for something to grasp and cling to while he flounders in uncertainty. 

Hunk is the first person he notices, surrounded by his family, and a little tension drains from Keith’s shoulders as Hunk shoots him a half smile, saturated in understanding. Keith wants desperately to sit between him and his mother, if only to steal away bits of their joy and escape from where he’s stood. 

Instead, he stands at the front of the church. 

Weeks ago, when he had been informed of the proposal, Keith hadn’t expected Shiro to ask him to be his best man. He supposed that Matt would do it, since they were closer in both age and life experience. After all, what did Keith know about long-term relationships? Significantly less than Matt.

But Shiro had picked him, and Keith can’t decide what he feels about it. 

On one hand, he was glad to be important enough to Shiro to be chosen. It was surprising though, because once they’d returned to Earth, Shiro had been distant. Even when Keith had been in Zethrid’s grasp, on the brink of being murdered in front of his eyes, Shiro hadn’t moved. It was Axca that attempted to save him, and Keith couldn’t help but dwell on it. After all the promises he’d made to Shiro, after all the times he’d rescued Shiro, it stung that Shiro wouldn’t do the same for him. Regardless of their past, though, being Shiro’s best man was an honor. 

On the other hand, he doesn’t know why Shiro would choose him after they’ve grown so much apart. Keith rarely visited Earth after the lions left, too preoccupied with the Blades. It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe he’s just trying to spare Keith’s feelings, but it doesn’t really help. To Keith, it just feels cruel. The whole wedding feels cruel. 

Sam Holt walks Shiro down the aisle. With each step he takes, Keith’s heartbeat intensifies in his throat. 

For a moment, he can almost pretend that Shiro is walking up to the front to marry _him_ , but he shakes the thought from his head as quickly as his traitorous mind comes up with it. He can’t allow himself to think like that, especially as he’s about to give Shiro away forever. Keith runs through his options: running out, objecting to the marriage, telling Shiro the truth in one last-ditch attempt at happiness. 

Instead, he’s quiet; Shiro deserves this.

* * *

_Look what you've done, left me the victim of a hit-and-run.  
You said, "Just friends and no strings,” but that leaves loose ends for all things._

* * *

Keith makes it through the ceremony without much trouble. Even when Shiro and Curtis are officially married and even as they share their first kiss as a married couple, Keith holds himself up and doesn’t show anything other than happiness. Honestly, he really is happy for them. He’s happy to see Shiro without worry creasing his face or weighing down his shoulders. He’s happy to watch Shiro get married, even if it rips him apart from the inside out. 

The ceremony is not the worst part. The reception is. 

Keith has to make a speech as best man. He spends about twenty minutes in the bathroom beforehand, staring at himself in the mirror and willing himself to be strong. He can’t help but let his eyes wander to massive scar on his cheek, regarding it with bitterness.

It’s a permanent reminder of the person he most wants and – now officially – can’t have. 

The irony of the scar, a physical manifestation of the pain he endured to save Shiro, would be laughable in any other situation, but to Keith, it’s anything but humorous. The scar is a constant display of how much he belongs to Shiro, no matter how much he tries to deny it. He can’t escape the hold Shiro has on his heart – can’t help the way his love crawls in his throat and threatens to strangle him. 

He stares at the mark in the mirror until the bathroom door opens, and Keith doesn’t even have to look to know it’s Lance. 

“How do you do it?” Keith whispers, hating the way his voice cracks pitifully. He sees Lance stand beside him in the mirror, but he can’t take his eyes off his own scar. “How do you look in the mirror and not think of her?”

“Loving her will always be a part of me, same as the marks. I’ve come to terms with that,” Lance answers patiently and places a hand on Keith’s shoulder. The attempt at comfort does nothing to placate Keith’s rapid heartbeat. Lance sighs, and Keith knows the conversation hurts him as well. “I got to say goodbye.”

The silence is a nervous pause, as if Lance is scared to say what he’s thinking. Keith braces himself; he knows exactly what’s coming. 

“I got closure, Keith,” he whispers gently. “I think it’s time you did the same.”

* * *

_How do I get away when you're begging me to stay?  
What do you need me to say? You're anything but ordinary._

* * *

The speech Keith gives makes nearly everyone in the audience tearful, with the exception of Shiro. Truthfully, he doesn’t know if his speech moved Shiro – mostly because he refused to make eye contact with him. It was the only way for Keith to keep himself together as he talks of the purely platonic relationship he and Shiro shared. 

He finishes his speech with a cheers to Curtis, for being the first person to convince Shiro to settle down. 

The bitter reminder of when Shiro had left him behind burns on his tongue, but he refrains from being snappy – instead, he smiles, congratulates the new couple, and ducks out of the room when the attention is no longer on him. He doesn’t think he can take a second longer if he tried. 

He’s halfway onto his motorbike when he hears someone call out his name. 

Keith turns and, of course, it’s Shiro, jogging over to him with the casualty of an everyday conversation. “Where are you going? It’s still early.”

Shiro takes another step toward him as he speaks, towering over Keith, who’s debating whether or not he should turn back around and speed off on his bike before he can say anything he’ll regret. In the end, he stays. There’s no escaping Shiro.

“I know,” Keith sighs. The sun is close to setting behind his own head, and the soft orange light illuminates Shiro’s face, making him look softer and impossibly more breathtaking. In that moment, Keith knows that no amount of running will free him from those eyes that stare back at him, concerned and just a little hurt. 

“Then why are you leaving?” His voice almost sounds pleading, but Keith credits that to his traitorous imagination. 

“I have to go. I’m headed back off Earth early tomorrow morning,” he explains, carefully leaving out the fact that he planned the trip to escape the newlyweds as much as possible. It’s an irrelevant detail, Keith tells himself. Just like the nightmares and just like the scar. None of it matters. 

“Are you just gonna leave? It’s barely seven, Keith. You really can’t stay any longer?” Shiro interrogates, taking on his _Captain Shirogane_ voice. It’s demeaning, but Keith pushes through it, bullheaded. He spent his entire teenage years ignoring Shiro’s demands. This is nothing new to him, and Keith almost welcomes the familiarity of defiance. It’s something he grasp onto, when the world – _his world_ , more specifically – is being ripped from his hands. 

“Is that some kind of order?”

“What if it is?” Shiro challenges right back, eyes glinting so brightly that Keith has to look away. Keith just shrugs, unsure of how to respond. It’s too close to their playful banter, which had long since slipped away alongside the friendship they once had. 

The small distance that separates himself and Shiro now seems wider than the lightyears that had once come between them. Keith wants to bury himself in it, to lay at Shiro’s feet where he’s always been, begging and pleading. Shiro’s shoulders slump in his peripheral vision, and the resignation is painfully transparent. He’s accepting defeat. He’s giving up. 

“I wish you’d stay,” Shiro gives in, and Keith–? Keith fucking _breaks_.

“Shut the fuck up,” he snaps, angrily wrinkling his nose and involuntarily baring his teeth. Anger consumes him, swallows him up, and leaves him defenseless. “How can you say something like that? You distanced yourself from me – and for what? To spare my feelings? To keep me from hurting?”

The questions hang in the still air; Keith breathes so heavily that he thinks he might fall over and die. The look of surprise on Shiro’s face almost makes the outburst worth it. 

“Guess what, Shiro, it didn’t do shit! In fact, you hurt me _more,_ ” He spits, ignoring the stinging where he must’ve bit his lip. “You put as much space between us as you possibly could – once again. So, let me ask you, do you _really_ want me to stay? Because it seems to me like you don’t want anything to do with me.”

His eyes water. He hadn’t meant to get emotional. In fact, it was the last thing he wanted to do. Now, he was weak, and Shiro would see how broken he was.

“Keith, I didn’t mean to,” Shiro begins, startled eyes regarding Keith with compassion, concern, and worst of all, pity. The idea of it stirs up even more hostility in Keith’s gut, and it signals him to push, push, push, until he no longer feels any of the betrayal. “I never meant to put you aside, Keith. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

There are a million things Keith wants to tell Shiro in that moment.

First, he wants to tell Shiro just how grateful he is. When there was nothing left for Keith, Shiro took him in and cared for him like they’d known each other for years. Shiro had been by his side during everything in that time, from the anger, to the suffering, and finally, to the happiness. Shiro had stuck by him during his worst of tantrums and his best of accomplishments. For that, Keith would forever be in debt to him.

He wants to tell Shiro how livid he is. When Shiro had left for Kerberos, Keith had begged him not to go. It was the dead of night when Keith approached him, cried and cried and cried, demanding that Shiro, the first person to not give up on him since his father’s death, stayed on Earth. Of course, Shiro had soothed him, but he’d also ignored him. If only Shiro hadn’t gone off to Kerberos, maybe things would be different. 

He wants to tell Shiro how sorry he is. When he disappeared from Black after that fated battle, Keith thought his world was ending. He realized then that maybe Shiro was just a little more important to him than any _just friend_ had ever been. And when they’d gotten him back, Keith was too blinded by that soul-cleansing relief to realize that something was off. Maybe if Keith would have noticed sooner, Shiro wouldn’t have _died._

He wants to tell Shiro how much he loves him. When Keith had fought his clone, he was so petrified to hurt him but so desperate to survive. Keith had tried so damn hard to get them both out unscathed that he’d disregarded his own health. He’d do it again in a heartbeat, though. 

He wants to tell Shiro just how much he’s hurting. When Keith closes his eyes, he dreams of angry eyes and hears the spiteful words and smells his own burning flesh. He thinks of the fight every time he looks in the mirror, wondering if he’ll ever get consolation for the whole ordeal. But it had been years, and Shiro had never brought it up, so Keith didn’t. They never talked about Keith’s feelings, either. Instead, Shiro chose to move on, leaving Keith broken in his wake. And now, the marriage feels like the same burning abandonment that Keith felt when he left for Kerberos. 

There are a million things Keith wants to tell Shiro in that moment. Instead, Keith starts his bike. 

“It doesn’t matter,” is what he whispers to the empty air Shiro occupies behind him, but what he means is that _he doesn’t matter_. Not in the long run, at least – and certainly not to Shiro. 

He speeds off on the motorbike, which is painfully similar to the ones they used to ride into the desert sunset together. 

This time, the wind doesn’t sting nearly as much as the tears that roll down his cheeks and fly off his face, lost to the world forever – just as meaningless as the shattered pieces of Keith’s heart. 

And the worst part: Shiro never tried to stop him. It’s the last time they ever see each other. 

* * *

_What do you want me to do? I've given it all to it you.  
I wish you would return the favor. _

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> s8 ruined me. im in tears & this is my catharsis. dedicated to @miyura_sarkana on tumblr, for helping me see sheith as something precious and tragically beautiful. check out her art on tumblr!
> 
> lyrics included belong to All Time Low’s “Return the Favor”
> 
> im on [tumblr](Https://koganewest.tumblr.com) if you wanna talk angst and pining w me. [check out the art here](https://koganewest.tumblr.com/post/181232695966/id-never-ask-you-cause-deep-down-im-certain-i)  
> -lily


End file.
